Have you ever not gotten enough sleep? Or not eaten well, or enough?
Have you ever prioritized what seemed like everything else, and everyone else, forgetting about yourself?
I remember days of work where each time I finished one task, it felt like another three were urgently waiting for me. I’d get home and it’d only be a change of scenery, I’d still have more to get done. I’d eat whatever was around throughout the day, and I’d sleep when I could. I felt guilty whenever I wasn’t working, because I knew there was more to get done.
I remember days in college when I would finally reach my bed after an endless day, and then have the dreadful realization that I had to set my alarm clock to get up again in only a few hours. I’d tell myself it was fine, and drag myself out of bed the next morning (or actually, that same morning), and pride myself in my mostly-functioning sleep deprived reality.
When I did take time to focus on my own needs, I felt guilty. I felt like I needed to rush because I was neglecting the other responsibilities I had, and people would judge me or look down on me if I wasn’t working. The problem was, I wasn’t holding myself accountable, or allowing anyone else to hold me accountable, for taking care of myself.
If you answered yes to any of my questions above, or if you were nodding your head vigorously, or cringing with recognition as I shared some of my past experiences – this is for especially for you.
Even if you didn’t resonate with what’s already been said, consider this –
What is one aspect of yourself or your life that you’d like to focus on or improve?
The mindset I’m about to share will allow you to lean into this with intention and energy. It will give you permission. And sometimes we could all benefit from a little validation, right?
Early on in my time at college, as I was taking on full course loads, juggling five jobs, fostering new friendships, and joining various extracurriculars, a friend of mine paused me to share a piece of advice. She had heard this advice from an older college student when she was a new college student herself.
You are a person first.
Let me explain.
At this point in your life, as with any point, you hold many identities and roles. You might be a family member, an employee or employer, a friend, a partner, a member of a community or various communities. Maybe you’re a student or a volunteer or a team member.
Each of your identities comes with any multitude of needs that require your time, energy, and focus. Maybe you’re a parent trying to balance spending time with your kids while also working and being active in your community. Maybe you’re a student trying to balance your coursework and studying with maintaining a healthy relationship with your partner, and still finding time to keep in touch with friends.
The point is, with everything going on in our lives, it can be tough to prioritize everything you want to do and everything you have to do – let alone making sure you’re functioning healthily in the midst of it all.
Let’s return to my friend for a moment.
You are a person first.
Yes, I was also a student, and an employee, and a daughter, and a sister, and a friend, and a member of the college campus, and a member of some extracurricular groups. But before all that I was, and always would be, a person. And as a person, I needed to sleep, and eat well, and exercise, and maintain personal hygiene. I needed to take care of myself, in all these various capacities and more, in order to feel fulfilled, productive, and present in my other roles.
This knowledge was profound! Of course! I shouldn’t be treating sleep deprivation as a badge of pride – I could hardly stay awake in my classes, let alone fully pay attention. And I felt much more energized when I entered any of my numerous social spaces if I had first taken the time to be present with myself and, as an introvert, rejuvenate my energy alone.
It’s been a long ride, but since learning this, I’ve been more aware of how my needs are being met or neglected. Slowly, I’ve taken steps toward reprioritizing my life and it’s made such a difference.
You might be thinking, okay, yeah, I’m a person and I have needs and that’s great, but sometimes there just isn’t enough time to take care of myself and everything else I need to get done in the day.
I get it.
But remember, you will be more successful, more productive, and more present in your other roles if you prioritize your personhood first. Your unfulfilled needs weigh you down and slow you down. Prioritizing yourself is not selfish. You can give more to your other roles when you first give time to yourself.
And that’s where I challenge you to be intentional. Write down all the roles you play and some of the biggest needs they include. Write down the needs you have as a person that you tend to neglect. Now, brainstorm three ways you can make time to prioritize these needs this week – write these down and keep note visible throughout the week as a little reminder to yourself. Hold yourself accountable.
Looking for a little more guidance? Download my time awareness exploratory guide to dig deeply into how you are thinking about and spending your time.
If you want to, share your journey with me. Really, I want to hear from you!